by Robert Gore, Ph.D., Psychotherapist, 310-448-9510
Beverly Hills, California
How would you like to have a tool that would allow you to get out of an anxious mood quickly and achieve an experience of confidence and calm?
Therapists help clients do this by asking strategic questions at key moments in therapy. Based on fifteen years of work as a mental health professional, I have developed a list of the most effective questions therapists use to help clients find a way out of scared and anxious moods. These questions come out of my own clinical experience and informal study of masterful psychologists and what they do. I have used them to help many clients, and chances are good that they can help you as well.You can try out the system yourself right now. If you would like to get the full benefits of using it, you should consult this list five times a day for at least three weeks. For best results, you should read my book, The Ten-Second Attitude Shift: How to Keep A Winning Spirit All the Time. Send me e-mail at the address listed at the bottom of this page if you would like to order a pre-publication copy when it becomes available.
To get started now, read over each question below, silently. After reading each question, take a deep breath, let it out, and then move on to the next question.
Sometimes a question will help you find a fresh perspective on whatever is making you anxious.
Sometimes a question will be irrelevant. Occasionally a question may make you feel a little worse. I would appreciate e-mail if that happens to you, so I can tune up the system here.
However, for most people, at least one of the questions will be just the thing to help you turn your mood around. For many people, several questions will be on the nose for any particular situation.
So read each question below, and after your read each one, let it settle in the mind, think of an answer, and then move on.
If this situation turns out well, what could it look like when you think back to it next year? What could it look like many years from now?
What is the reality of this upsetting situation? What is the real threat? What is your objective? How can you best work to achieve it?
What is so terrible about this particular moment, right now? Are you making yourself anxious un-necessarily?
What stories have you been telling yourself about the anxiety-provoking situation? Can you think of a story that helps you feel more secure?
How much do you need to worry about what other people think of you in this situation? Could you afford to worry less?
Think of somebody you admire - someone who handles stress well. How might that person look at the situation that makes you anxious? What might that person advise you to do? How might that person handle it?
If a close friend of yours were in the situation that is making you anxious, what would you say to help them get through it? What would you want to help your friend see? What would you want to help your friend do?
Are you trying to do more than is reasonable in light of your resources? Can you allow yourself to set your aim a little more realistically?
What is the worst thing that is really likely to happen in this situation? If that happened, what good things could you still enjoy in life?
What can you do now to make the worst-case scenario less likely? What can you do now to make the worst-case scenario less threatening?
Are you using anxiety to distract yourself? What might you be doing if you weren't worrying about this? Would you like to find another way to distract yourself? How else could you raise your energy level?
Are you using anxiety to energize yourself? What healthy things could you do to raise your energy level right now?
Haven't there been times when you worried and things turned out well in the end? Could you be doing that now?
Are you rehearsing catastrophes or replaying fearsome situations in your mind? Do you want to stop and be fully in the moment now?
What is the most pleasurable or comforting thing about this moment now?
What healthy things have you done to get through scary times before?
Will you please take my online survey and tell me how this worked out for you?
Using these questions to relieve anxiety takes practice - and people get better the more they use it. If you experience even a small improvement in your mood, chances are this system could work well for you as a long term habit. If you are interested in the full text of my upcoming book The Ten-Second Attitude Shift: How to Keep a Winning Spirit All the Time, please send me e-mail, and I will give you information on reserving a pre-publication or first-run copy at a discount off the publication price.
Copyright 2002, 2003 by Robert Gore. All rights reserved.
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Brought to you by Robert Gore, Ph.D., Psychologist and Psychotherapist
Beverly Hills, California 310-448-9510
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